<< Feb 2009 Creating Diversity Friday, January 23rd, 2009 - 9:40 am
I've been having trouble writing recently. Although the images have been floating about in my head, the urge to commit them to paper seemed less of an imperative. Instead I experienced an intense desire to create beautiful visual images – something with immediate impact that worked upon the imagination the same way as one of my stories, but without having to trawl through a thousand word first.
I inveigled a model into working with me, styled and directed her and did my best to translate my imaginings into reality. Curiously it was a very similar process to that of writing. You start out with a set idea, you struggle to get it formed in the real world, come up with new, exciting ideas as you go along, end up having to make some compromises to make the whole thing work and eventually end up with a result you're pretty proud of. You leave it for a day or to, come back to it, are just as impressed as the first time round, but quickly realise that some editing is required. You edit, preen, polish, then release it to the public and are invariably disappointed at the lack of interest or useful comments and critiques you get. I'm not planning on selling my photographs any time soon and that's about the only difference between writing and photography, as far as I'm concerned.
It's been nice to indulge my creative side in a different way from normal, but I don't think I can keep it up. When it comes right down to it I have to write. It's a compulsion. I don't think it will be long before I take to the keyboard again, but I'll let you know.
Time Wasting Thursday, January 8th, 2009 - 9:38 am
Unbelievable how many distractions can be found to doing what one finds difficult. Resuming writing after a break is one of those difficult things and you would not believe how many household chores I have done of late, or how much daytime TV is 'essential viewing'!
As I sit here and ponder the possibility of getting a 'real' job - for financial reasons mostly - I do wonder whether it will effect my writing positively or negatively. It all depends, I suppose, on which is the lesser of two evils. If the job is unbearably dull, then it may be that writing suddenly attains an irresistible lure for me. On the flip side the job may take all my attention - I'm not sure which is the preferable option, though I suppose I should be glad that there will almost certainly be a silver lining, either way.
Oh well, time to do some writing. My CV, for example, needs some updating...!
Musings Monday, January 5th, 2009 - 11:52 am
A new year tends to lead me to nostalgic musings on the past. Add to that the dangerous medium of Facebook, with its easy access to people from your past, and you have a full-blown nostalgia attack.
Yesterday I followed a link on facebook and came across pictures of an old boyfriend. It was very disconcerting and, whilst I don't really find him attractive now, it nevertheless reminded me of all the emotions of my teenage years. 2008 marked a big anniversary of sorts and I can't believe that I made so little effort to mark it when it occurred, so let me make amends and tell you about it now. August 2008 was the ten year anniversary of the loss of my virginity. Yup. That's right. I am old enough for that event to have been ten years ago.
I was in my mid-teens and he was my first boyfriend - first everything, really. First date, first hand-holding, first kiss...
I was the instigator. i admit it. Having insisted, previously, that I would wait for marriage, I was bowled over by the intense experience of being near a man. I know that sounds a little absurd, but whilst i had always enjoyed masturbation, I honestly didn't think that sex could be that big a deal. that was right up until I felt his erection pressing against me when we kissed and from then on I led him down the path to sexual enlightenment!
It didn't last, first relationships rarely do, but I have happy memories of it. I'm glad I was in a proper relationship and that I am still friendly with my ex, even if we aren't friends. The sex itself, the first time, was a bit uncomfortable (emotionally) and awkward, but it left me with a burning desire to fill the void that I was suddenly aware of inside me.
Since then I have pursued sex where I can, enjoying it and being grateful that I live in an age where I can enjoy it safely and guilt-free. Writing about sex allows me to explore it still further - situations and emotions that I may not ever experience, but can imagine myself into. I live and breathe them as I write and they satisfy the need to push my boundaries, explore, be sexually free. Writing is a great joy to me and, whilst I am saddened by the fact that the subjects I choose don't seem to be as popular as some of the other erotica out there, I write what I find fascinating and exciting and it can't be any other way, else it wouldn;t ring true to the reader.
New Year, New Resolutions Saturday, January 3rd, 2009 - 1:36 pm
Not a very exciting title, I know, especially when I've been absent a while and not doing any new posts. May I offer my apologies if you were desperately awaiting the next installment of the life and times of Emelia Bell. I came down with some hideous lurgy that precluded my use of the laptop, as I got dizzy every time I tried to read! Once I recovered from that we had the hullaballoo of Christmas, with the food prep, the shopping and wrapping, the various relatives to entertain or visit and not to mention all that glorious christmas television!
With Christmas out of the way I was all set to resume my writing, but oh no, my laptop had other ideas. Boink. It crashed. No computer for two weeks. My personal hell.
Anyway, I'm back, the laptop is fixed, the good TV programmes are over and my health seems to have returned to normal - only one problem now: I can't think of anything to write!
I'm sure inspiration will return - after all, it's like any muscle in your body - it gets out of condition when you don't use it. A few days of writing complete drivel and hopefully my innate style and panache will reappear, but in the meantime I had to stop by and reassure those of you who had actually noticed my absence that I was back and will hopefully stick around for a while!
Take Care and a very Happy New Year to you all - I resolve to write something here at least every other day and to finish my current story. There are many other things I feel I ought to resolve to do, but I don't want to over-burden myself with too much pressure, so I think I will achieve those things first, then maybe make some more resolutions later. Here's hoping for a successful 2009, all round!
